“I definitely need a guide of some sort to lead me on the right path for life’s complex journey.”
I am not an impulsive person. I do not rely on my instincts much, if at all. So by all means, I am someone who does better with structure. I prefer it when someone maps out x thing for me and that is the objective or destination that I need to get to. It is something quantifiable, identifiable and just something that aids me from wandering around too much.
Without structure, I am just a mess. I become a disorganized, walking disaster of inefficiency and lost thoughts. If there could be something negative to be said about me, it would be that I lack a lot of initial gumption to my name without a big push from another source.
It is not a matter of me not being able to do certain things per se. My capabilities as a person, with all due respect, vary in all kinds of degrees. Quite frankly, I know I do not push myself hard enough to realize my own potential.
After all, cooking was something that started as a random interest and gradually developed into something I found passion in, though having something important save my life proved to be a major motivator.
I was a scrub at cooking, and now I consider myself at least somewhat competent.
When I really apply every technique or nugget of information I have learned about cooking into action…
I find myself pleasantly surprised. I am legitimately astonished at what I can do. But because I am not 100 percent confident in my own skills, I never call myself a full-blown chef. At least, not yet anyway.
It is why I say I am an aspiring one instead. There is no point in me trying to toot my horn until I truly achieve something. I still have a lot to learn, a lot more experience I need to soak in and maybe then I will be more willing to claim the proper chef title.
This cooking spiel has entailed a lot of awful moments of genuine failure while also being mixed with erratic and spontaneous triumphs to boot. You need both the good and the bad to accumulate some meaningful understanding for every extreme in a craft.
Every day, I have to remind myself that the process will take care of itself as long as I am diligent. I cannot become so tunnel-visioned about the end result. I will get there eventually as long as I keep trying.
It does not matter whether it is cooking or life itself. Everything has a different destination, which thus means there will be varying time ranges as to when something will be reached.
But yeah, this goes back to the guide thing. I need one… I need something or someone to guide me in the right direction. Otherwise, I am afraid that I am just going to repeat the same course again and again until I cannot do so anymore.
And this thought scares the crap out of me… I become fearful for my own future.
Not Completely Directionless
Do not get me wrong. I am not lost in a complete sense, as I have plenty of inklings as to where I need to go toward next. However, having a thought of an idea versus the big picture in your head… They are just so vastly different.
On one hand, you have a lot of hints that kind of leave behind clues you can possibly follow. You just do not know if any of those hunches are any good, so you risk wasting your time in pursuing and investigating them blindly.
Alternatively, the more defined path is the ideal choice. But this is assuming it exists in the first place. If only life could be that simple… If only we could all just follow a series of checkpoints until everything would pan out naturally and wonderfully. Obviously, life does not work this way for most people, and I do not hope for it to change its ways tomorrow.
Just having more structure would be nice. Having something to keep me honest would thus ensure I stick to my structure to the nth degree.
Sigh, life is hard. I hate feeling like a lost soul in such a busy world. I have so many things to get done.
“Progress is perseverance.” – Nhan Fiction
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