“I really hope to find the right person to speak with about very important matters.”
Despite being naturally shy, I do think I can be very chatty and quite conversational when it comes to the right topics. However, talking about video games or any other things I consider fun all of the time… In a sense, it’s not a good thing when something very pressing always lurks in the back of my mind, reminding me that I should address the elephant in the room by now.
Pretending it’s not there isn’t going to erase it from existence.
Likewise, I shouldn’t be so afraid of it that I try to avoid it. One can only go around an obstacle so much before there reaches a point where you have to face it directly.
And lately, I think I really want to tackle this problem without any second thoughts. It’s about darn time.
First and foremost, the problem lies squarely with me. I am the problem. I am the source of my own issues. And thus I should determine the logical course of actions in which I slowly unravel the most complex mysteries I have about myself.
Why haven’t I put it all together yet? Why haven’t I made it big just yet?
I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. After all, I had a lot of close calls throughout this personal journey. I forced myself to dig deep to find my way out of a variety of perplexing, yet solvable, puzzles. To me at the time, they were major issues, but that was because I was too weak. I had to get stronger. I had to become tougher.
Still, it always feels like I am just one dialogue away from severing my past. I want to learn from my past, but I don’t want to be so caught up in it all of the dang time. I always feel like I am just one particular dialogue that will completely turn my life around and get me back on track.
There have been many down years, and there have been plenty of positives to draw from those down years as well. It’s the contrast and the various learning experiences that tell me I am making some headway.
TALKING IT OUT ISN’T ALWAYS EASY
Alas, I am reluctant. I am reluctant to ask someone about something so personal to me because it isn’t so easy.
I used to think it was just about finding a good job, but this proved to be just scratching the surface.
The more time passes by, the more I am subjected to this limbo feeling of sorts. I am not truly suffering like I once was, but I am nowhere near thriving as I would like. It’s an odd middle ground to me. Obviously, it’s good that I moved past the suffering stage, but I still want to move on with my life, too.
To be stuck for so long is disheartening. To feel almost trapped in place, but with every possible means to escape, is further frustrating. Combined together, it all just makes me yearn for that one dialogue to change it all.
I want the talk for the ages.
I want the talk that snaps me out of my funk.
I want the talk to act as a new catalyst toward great things.
“Progress is perseverance.” – Nhan Fiction
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