I am supposed to be a big brother to my two younger brothers, but there are times when I know I am not doing an adequate job. In fact, I haven’t been a good big brother for a really long time now. Sure, I could try to rationalize my lack of proper, big brother stuff to my depression symptoms and other woes, but who am I kidding? There is no justifiable excuse for what I have been to my siblings.

Big brothers are supposed to be role models. Big brothers should do the appropriate actions that will encourage their siblings to do the same. But I have always underperformed in this regard. Well, truthfully, I do make an honest effort at times, though I know I am neglecting a lot of key areas.

For instance, one of my younger brothers has all of a sudden become more defiant toward everyone in the household. I know a lot of it has to do with me being too lax with discipline. I am not speaking up enough about his friends, I do not intervene when his friends are up to no good and I am just neglectful about things I should crack down on immediately. So this gradually led to a family meltdown today that ended up creating a very awkward situation.

The point is, a lot of this could have been avoided if I chose to be more adamant, more capable of being the responsible, big brother that the family role entails. Instead, I feel like I have failed, both as a big brother and as a human being. One should look out for their family members, especially those who are younger and more naive about how things work.

I guess part of me wishes that I was not the eldest son in the family. I have a bit more pressure from my parents than what my siblings have to deal with, but this should not hinder me from doing what I need to do. There is a certain level of expectations that I have not been achieving since the days when my brothers and I were way younger.

But I digress. I guess it is time I have to step up to be a better, big brother for my siblings.


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