The bottom line of my ongoing story is that, in many ways, I have been hurting. My open wounds aren’t that obvious on the outside. They don’t physically bleed out for others to see in plain sight. Instead, it all occurs within, and the damage has halted my progress for almost a decade at this point.
It sounds so lame that something has hurt me so badly that it is holding me back in place psychologically.
Every day, I feel ashamed I haven’t snuffed out the problem. Each day that passes makes me feel guilty that I have to devote another precious moment of my life just to keep going on a little further.
As a result, I have done so much to push people out of my life. A lot of people have rightfully so moved on beyond me. That’s fine. For most of
However, there is a lot of struggle behind the scenes. I may not be in the worst possible state, yet my mind keeps wandering.
I keep seeking answers, but I end up with more questions. I keep getting these inklings of what I should do, but I keep delaying and prolonging my recovery.
These open wounds suck…
I can’t heal unless I know exactly what is bothering me. I have driven way too many people away because I let this baggage continue to stick around, which causes me to become my own black hole of negativity.
But, interestingly enough, how can this all be possible?
I keep trying to counteract it all more positivity, happy vibes, an emphasis on self-improvement and focusing on strategies that will get me forward. Why hasn’t it been enough yet?
What is missing?
Ugh, this all sucks. I need to get my act together. I need to figure this all out. Time is of the essence, and I am only delaying my chance to solve this inner mystery with each passing week…
“Progress is perseverance.” – Nhan Pham
Also published on Medium.