The 54th Deadline: No Rest for the Weary

Janis (Glow)
Art by Hans C. Chow

At times, I think I am too soft as a person. I have spent way too many years just trying to snap out of my funk that keeps persisting. No matter what keeps happening, there is this constant part of me that always feels “tired.”

I hate being weary for the mere sake of it. I have come across a lot of people who are quite inspiring in their own ways. Working multiple jobs. Taking on so many extra responsibilities. They do all of this while still appearing seemingly happy on the surface. They are able to grow as people.

For me, sure, I have grown in plenty of ways myself. I am definitely a lot more mature, I can safely say that my perception of the world is a lot more open in a good way and I am always learning.

Yet, no matter how much progress I make, part of me always wants to opt for taking it easy here and there. A bit too much if you ask me.

Sure, I can admit that part of it stems from me having the luxury to do so. I may not be rich, but I am not like homeless or something. I count my blessings all of the time. Some people don’t even have luxuries like their own computer to use.

The things I have in my life are mine. To some, it may not mean much… I keep fighting every day. I yearn. I dream. I ponder about what I can do to go for the ultimate “happiness” that would make me completely content with my own existence.

But gosh, sometimes I just think I am resting too much because I feel like I need to do so.

Too Much Fun and Games

Throughout my life, I have always spent a lot of my free time having fun. Well, it’s fun for me.

Watching shows, movies, playing videos (a lot of video games), and all of this was instead of doing other things. While my friends and peers kept trying to be bold and adventurous, I found myself being really introverted.

A good evening for me was just a chill one in front of a screen. Just lost in my own world. Not a care about anything else but what I had my eyes glued to the movie or game.

Fine. That’s who I am. That’s what excites me and what I look forward to, but that was then.

These days, I find myself thinking about whether I should pursue more of my interests instead of just playing games or turning on a Netflix show.

It sucks. Life is all about achieving a balance, and I know my balance is way off…

Gosh, I need to make bolder decisions… I can’t keep doing this.

In the meantime, I think I will play some games to pass the time.

“Progress is perseverance.” – Nhan Pham

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Also published on Medium.

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