The 54th Deadline: Just a Number

The 54th Deadline: Just a Number

My birthday is today, but I am not particularly excited about it. I want to keep this a relaxed day in all honesty.

I have reached a point where I feel embarrassment when bringing up my age. I also do not look my age as well. I attribute this to feeling psychologically regressed in the maturity department. It is complicated. I just had to rebuild myself from a starting point years ago. And as such, I have had to “relearn” how to be more of an adult as time passes. Weird. Unnatural. It is something I accept until things reach the point it is supposed to reach – whenever that is.

Am I getting that old? Why so insecure? I don’t know. I guess I am just becoming hesitant to share the number anymore. Or perhaps there is more to it than just that.

There is more to it than just the number. The number itself is moot. It does not have to mean anything at the end of the day. I guess it is more of the fact that I have been on this planet for (insert age here) and am too ashamed of not accomplishing enough in my eyes.

I just thought I would have a lot more at this age, but I was sadly wrong.

I guess I come off as old-fashioned. I assumed I would have a certain amount of things by now.

Marriage, kids, a house and so forth. Old-school stuff. But that was the norm back then. These days have been a lot more erratic for this generation.

There I go again. Sounding old as heck, huh? Not really. I am not that old. I just feel kind of old, when in my mind I feel young. But I feel young because I have regressed regarding maturity.

Again, it is all complicated. Sigh. I digress. I wanted to try to mix things up for my birthday at least. I refused to stay home and not do a dang thing. That would be totally lame.

Oh well, here’s to my birthday. I guess.

“Hope is my catalyst.” – Nhan Fiction Pham

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