The 54th Deadline: Regardless of failure or success, you learn. Life grants people so many chances to get it right.
“With improvisation, I just do it. It might be a total failure but then you just throw the dice again.” – Christian Marclay
Dice in hand. I feel like I am nearing the end of my rope. No more leeway. I have to toss these dice. And I have to hope for the best.
There are too many unpleasant thoughts circulating in my mind. What is going on here? Why can’t I just have something concrete appear before me?
Stability? Heh, what a novel concept. What a luxury in my book.
But I digress. I can only put up a facade for so long. I cannot just deny the fact that something is wrong. Deep down, I am hurting.
It’s time to gamble. Unfortunately.
A Winner or a Loser
One of the most important things I have learned about life – there is no consolation prize that you want.
Maybe it comes off as demanding. Sometimes, I honestly want the universe to toss me a bone or two. Just something to make some of the pain and hardship go away.
At the same time, I have to clench these dice and realize that I still want to play. I still want to try to see that something wonderful will happen.
Lady Luck or not, I tell myself I have to keep playing.
Call me an addict. Call me crazy. Say I am stupid.
I don’t care at this point.
I have everything to gain, and it feels like I have nothing to lose. However, the latter portion is also inaccurate to me. I have plenty to my name I don’t want to lose. Nope. No way. They’re mine.
Make fun of them all you want. They’re mine. So with this dice from the universe in hand, I will toss them out and wish for the best.
No more fun and games. It’s time to bank on a winning roll.
“Hope is my catalyst.” – Nhan Pham
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Also published on Medium.