The 54th Deadline: Corner of Darkness

The 54th Deadline: Corner of Darkness

The 54th Deadline: Regardless of failure or success, you learn. Life grants people so many chances to get it right.

I have had a “down” week and a half and counting. Things have not quite clicked. Things seem to be falling apart at the seams. It is as if the universe is trying to tell me something. If I do not listen, then things are going to spiral out of control. When I feel like this, I want to retreat into that corner of darkness in my mind and hide.

But that is the thing. Hiding will not make me feel any better in the short term. And it especially will not help me in the long term. I ultimately want to attain my unique form of “success.” To accomplish this, I feel I have to let this particular storm pass so I can regroup my thoughts.

Years ago, I was a lost soul looking for answers. I wanted the universe to give me a sign. I wanted glimmers of a miracle to gleam in my personal abyss. I needed guidance. I needed light at the end of the tunnel. The quagmire of misery had me drowning. I just wanted out. I wanted someone or something to save me. By whom? By what? I am not entirely sure. Probably anyone or anything.

Hallway of Hope

I want to leave this corner of darkness. For good. I want to traverse down a hallway of hope, a corridor of uplifting feelings and thoughts. I do not want to have my existence plagued by grim, dour emotions. I want to be happy when I can be. I want to enjoy what life has to offer. Whenever I feel stricken by these “down” days, everything comes to a screeching halt. 

I feel unproductive.

I feel like I cannot accomplish anything worthwhile.

In reality, I have. By all means, I have done a lot to pull myself out of the worst moments.

But I keep falling back. Somehow, someway, there is always a random and unavoidable force that knocks me back into the dark spots. In this sense, it is inevitable. However, I realize life is not meant to be sunshine and rainbows 100 percent of the time. We all need some shades of the dark side for contrast.

I have to keep going forward. I have to think of these moments in the corner to be a timeout to collect my thoughts. 

I will make it…

“Hope is my catalyst.” – Nhan Pham

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Also published on Medium.

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